Therapists IRL: Things My 36-Year-Old Self Would Tell 25-Year-Old Me
If I could sit across from my 25-year-old self — matcha in hand, full of opinions, excitement, and a little bit of chaos — I’d smile at her and say: “You’re doing better than you think you are.”
(And yes, it’s matcha now — because we’ve learned that peace of mind and a calm nervous system are worth more than a caffeine buzz. Growth sometimes looks like small, quiet choices that make you feel more grounded.)
So much of your 20s feels like trying to get it all right — the relationships, the career, the body, the timing. But looking back, I wish I’d known that growth isn’t about perfection; it’s about compassion. It’s about becoming softer where life made you hard, and stronger where you used to shrink.
Here’s what I’d tell her — and maybe, what you need to hear too.
1. Relationships don’t need drama to matter.
Whether it’s family, friendship, or love — depth doesn’t require dysfunction. You don’t have to earn closeness through conflict or chaos. Real connection feels grounding, not draining. Choose the people who bring you peace, not adrenaline.
👉 Also: stop confusing emotional unavailability with mystery. They’re not deep, they just don’t text back.
2. Heal what hurts.
Your childhood wounds will quietly shape your choices until you face them head-on. Learn your patterns, name them, and choose differently. You’ll find freedom in forgiveness — even if it’s mostly for yourself.
3. Travel, even if it’s on borrowed money.
Some of the best education you’ll ever get won’t be from textbooks. Spend some of those student loan dollars seeing the world. You’ll remember sunsets, food smells, accents, and foreign streets long after you’ve forgotten the interest rate.
👉 And yes, future-you will absolutely survive that one night in a sketchy hostel because you didn’t want to spend $10 more on the nice one.
4. Don’t overgive to people or places that don’t give back.
Your loyalty is precious — spend it wisely. You deserve reciprocity in your relationships, your work, and your friendships.
5. Try everything once.
Experience is your best teacher. You won’t know what moves you, excites you, or feels right until you give yourself permission to explore.
👉 Except bangs. Learn from my mistakes. Some experiments are better left hypothetical.
6. Speak your dreams out loud.
Don’t shrink your hopes for fear of disappointment. Say what you want — in love, in your career, in bed, in life. Rejection hurts less than self-abandonment.
7. Visualize the life you want.
See it clearly — the home, the family, the career, the version of you that feels whole. Let that vision quietly steer your choices, one decision at a time.
8. Feel deeply.
Composure is overrated. Let yourself cry, laugh too loud, and feel everything fully. Emotional depth isn’t weakness — it’s your compass.
👉 And honestly, try scream-singing Smashing Pumpkins alone in the car sometime. It’s surprisingly therapeutic.
9. Dance more.
No one’s watching. And even if they are, they wish they had your freedom. Always choose what feels good over what looks good.
10. Take care of yourself now.
Your body is your lifelong home. Don’t wait until it’s hurting to listen to it. Move, rest, nourish, and nurture it like it’s the foundation of your entire life — because it is.
👉 And yes, the detoxes are worth it. Not because your body’s broken, but because it feels good to treat it like it’s sacred.
11. Get help sooner.
Stop white-knuckling your way through anxiety and intrusive thoughts. Therapy will change your life. You deserve peace — not just survival.
12. You’ll outgrow more than you lose.
Friends, habits, caffeine levels, even versions of yourself — it’s not loss, it’s evolution.
👉 It’s okay to swap vodka sodas for herbal tea and still think you’re fun.
Looking back, growing up is really about coming home to yourself.
Newsflash: there’s no finish line, no age where you “figure it all out.” Healing is a lifelong process — but it’s one you can begin at any time, with compassion and curiosity.
If any part of this resonates with you — if you’re in a season of rediscovery, transition, or quiet self-reflection — know that you don’t have to do it alone.
At Healing Space Therapy Collective, we help individuals and couples slow down, reconnect, and move toward the life and relationships they actually want.
💫 Ready to start your own healing chapter?
Schedule a session with one of our therapists or learn more about our integrative approach to mental health and wellness: Contact Us.
20-something Me in Lisbon, Portugal
